Lately I've been unhappy with my art. All I've been able to do is "important" stuff I don't want to do for art class, "important" stuff I don't want to do for a nutcase commisioner, and whatever teeny tiny little pieces of crap I can make while waiting for the paint on the "important stuff" to dry.

My orginal art has deteriorated. A few years ago I could just draw whatever the hell I wanted and be so happy and in love with every piece of art I made. Looking back at my old art I can tell that I've improved A LOT but I feel like I'm doing ten fifty times worse. Instead of loving my art I'm ashamed of it and I'm scared of letting anyone see it. I want to go back to being able to draw and be happy about it.

_{I want to make something thats just for me that I can be proud of.}

I'm just so un-motivated lately._{get off the internet} Whenever I actually have a little bit of free time to try and just draw something for myself I can't seem to make myself do it. I'm either afraid it will just end up being another one of my many terrible pieces or I'll end up feeling guilty about working on something "pointless" _{but its not something that should feel pointless} instead of something "important." It doesn't help that real life stuff is being horrible lately

I feel completely lost. I don't know what to do, I don't know what I WANT to do.

I just looked at my gallery here on DA and I'm completely disgusted by what I see. I just know that I can do soooo much better. I want to be able to prove that last statement. I just don't know how.



.........

Sorry about this babbly angsty depression-filled journal. If you actually read this entire wall-o-text then...wow. I'm sorry for being so terribly whiny. I just needed to get all of this out. I don't actually have anyone in real life who I can rant to about art related stuff. They just all tell me "oh you're just being hard on yourself, you're a great artist blah blah..." it's completely un-helpful and ends up just making me feel worse.